Escaping the Comparison Trap: Step 1

In How to Escape the Comparison Trap, Becka's first step is to...

Step 1. Clean out your RSS and pare it down to the best of the best.
First and foremost, I pared down the places I visited online. There’s no need for me to see what every single one of my peers did this week because, inevitably, I will compare it to what I did, what I accomplished, where I shot, where I was featured, whom I got to collaborate with, etc.

So my experience with cleaning out my RSS feed was different than Becka's. It was never a consious decision, but I don't follow a single graphic design blog. I follow a lot of interior/home design blogs and photography blogs so I haven't really had the problem of comparing myself to them.

The biggest insight I had in this step? Wedding blogs. I deleted all three that I was following. It's not that I don't like them or think they serve a purpose, I do. But they don't serve a purpose for me. I'm not engaged or even in a serious relationship. Reading these blogs only reminded me of that. Everyday. I don't see any point in putting myself through that.

In all I deleted about half of the blogs I was following. It wasn't easy. There were several that I wanted to hang on to, but in the end these were the reasons I had to let go. Some of them just didn't apply to me, like wedding blogs. There were a couple, written by people that I know, that just made me feel bad. It's nothing against them personally, but I believe my time is better spent reading content that is uplifting. And there were a bunch that I just didn't read, which means I must not have liked them that much in the first place. Twelve blogs made the cut, and their links are in the sidebar.

It hasn't been life changing, but it feels good to have everything pared down. It's much quicker to read through new posts in the morning, and now they start my day on a good note. I think this is going to be something I need to put on my calendar to do at least once a year.

If you missed it here's the first post in this series:
Internet Envy

Internet Envy

"You have to see this website."

This is how it usually starts. My friend pulls up the site of an accomplished, beautiful, married with children woman who has a crazy impressive website filled with all sorts of design work for major companies. Then she clicks on the bio. This wunderkind also happens to be 24, a full two years younger than me. And so we begin to spiral into complaining about our jobs, relationships (and lack thereof), and everything else that just plain sucks about our lives.

I've repeated this cycle thousands of times in the last three years, and I have always been at a loss as to how it started and how to stop it. And it needed to stop. After every session of this nonsense I left feeling like a complete and utter failure. I struggled, unsuccessfully, to define what we were dealing with here. Jealousy? Discontent? Narcissism? While I'm sure all three of those played their part, the main culprit surprised me. It was the Internet itself.

Unraveling the details of how the Internet was seemingly destroying my confidence was a slow task. The first clue came from a post on Cup of Jo, Motherhood Mondays: The Hardest Two Months of My Life. In the post she describes a bout of depression she went through. What I found the most interesting was that she linked to a post she had written when she was feeling "terrible and insecure". The post was Sneak Peak: Wedding Line from Anthropologie!. With one exclamation point in the title and four more in the text, I'd say it's an upbeat piece. It's definitely not something you'd expect from someone battling depression and insecurity.

She says, "Through my sad eyes, I read blogs and saw strangers on the street and just assumed everyone had a perfect life. When I told that to Alex, he swore to me that everyone, without exception, had their own true story, their own struggles, their own flaws, worries, concerns; everyone is human. And then he said, 'Look at your own blog, after all. People would have no idea that you’re going through this. You come off like you’re handling everything effortlessly.' That was true, I realized. "

We are tirelessly cultivating the best versions of ourselves to broadcast on the Internet. But what happens when we look to the Internet for guidance, advice, or information? All we find are perfect, smug illusions of real people.

There is a great article on Design*Sponge's Biz Ladies written by Becka Robinson, How to Escape the Comparison Trap. She lists five ways to stop the madness. I've already started some of her suggestions. In five separate posts I'll document my success and failure in implementing them.

In the meantime here are two great articles on our mental well being and the Internet.
Forbes: Is Social Media Destroying Your Self-Esteem?
Newsweek: Is the Web Driving Us Mad?

Eating Can Be So Dramatic

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Professional actors read Yelp reviews. There are two up right now, but this one is my favorite. I'm sure there will be more to come.

Amid a Summer's Night

I've been saving these clippings for awhile, waiting for summer. Here summer is in all it's 100+ temp glory! This desktop wallpaper is a little Midsummer Night's Dream inspired. It's one of my favorites. You can download the wallpaper here. Enjoy!